


Who I Was and Who I Am

by bookobsessedwizard



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Biphobia, Bisexual Gale, Bisexual Gale Hawthorne, Gale Hawthorne Needs A Hug, Gay Peeta, How original, I made Cato the bad guy, I'm Sorry, I'm sorry if this is bad, Katniss is trying her best to help, M/M, Read tags, Slight Misogyny, Trauma, Whump, asexual katniss, being triggered isn't fun, gale whump, i swear I will ship anyone but everlark, i'm not trying to make light of it, non con isn't huge but you can't be too careful, overuse of italics and of semicolons lol, please be careful guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 09:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20673026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookobsessedwizard/pseuds/bookobsessedwizard
Summary: Gale has always known he was strong.He does not fear for his safety at night, he knows that he could fend off most anyone who would attack him. He had always been described as stubborn and independent.So how had he gotten to this point? And how will he get out?After all, he loves Cato. Beautiful, blonde, and kind Cato.This was his fault. He'll just try harder next time.Until he meets a new blond stranger, and considers the idea that he might not have to.





	1. Mes Lunettes Roses

**Author's Note:**

> Rose Coloured Glasses

Gale could honestly say that he planned to spend the rest of his life with Cato.

He was kind, and thoughtful. He understood Gale’s thirst for exploration and adventure; they went hiking together, they had backpacked in Europe for a week and a half; they tried new things together on each date. He always said he was inspired by Gale’s “inventor brain”, and was not only tolerant but accepting of Gale’s late-night brainstorming.

Gale had never felt more connected to someone. He had dated several men and women in the past, and Cato seemed to be the one. It didn’t hurt that he was absolutely gorgeous of course.

But of course the bubble of perfect harmony and warmth had to be broken at some point.

It had been at a night out drinking with friends. It was mostly Cato’s mates, but Katniss and Finnick were there, along with Finnick’s new girlfriend that he was sure he’d been introduced to but couldn’t possibly remember the name of. Everyone was getting pretty drunk, but tonight Gale had volunteered as DD. He looked like the type who could hold his liquor, when in reality, he could become an emotional, messy drunk. 

All was going fine until Cato’s jokes were getting on his nerves. He had excused it as “just teasing” when Gale had gotten a tad defensive about Cato’s quips about him being weak, and constantly having to defend him from other guys because he was just “too pretty”. Gale could defend himself, thank you very much. When he had gently tried to bring it up with Cato a few days later, he had brushed it off, saying he was “sensitive”, “being ridiculous”. Gale supposed he was right. He was holding on to something stupid, there was no point in being offended over something so small.

But it didn’t stop.

Cato’s “teasing” became rude and degrading. When he was slow on getting something, he was “dumb” or when he wasn’t in the mood, he was “girly” and “prudish”. Cato was only doing it in fun, right? Because he loved him?

One night, Gale was late coming home from a night out with his friends, and Cato raged at him. How he was untrustworthy, unloyal, and a disappointment. He kept ranting on and on, bellowing at the top of his voice, and Gale just wanted it to stop. Cato told him that is bisexuality was a problem for him, because he loves him very much and he didn’t want him to get involved with anyone else. It made sense, right? It was only because Cato cared about having a strong bond with him, because he was protective of him. It wasn’t that big of a deal, Gale knew how much Cato loved him.

Slowly, he found himself tiptoeing around certain subjects with Cato. He noticed that whenever he told him that he had been hanging out with Katniss, or especially Finnick, he would become grumpy and snappy for the rest of the night. He was only okay with Katniss because “she would never fuck you.” So he became curt with his responses, and when that didn’t work, he would twist the truth. But everyone that has ever known him could tell you that Gale Hawthorne is an awful liar. Eventually, he saw them less, and noticed just how much happier and loving Cato had become. This was it, this could fix them. It was just like the beginning again, and it was beautiful.

Until it wasn’t. 

Gale grew more and more distant with his best friends. Feeling alone, he had expressed his feelings of listlessness and boredom to his partner.

“It’s your job, I bet,” said Cato. Gale had been laid off his work due to budget cuts and was now at a monotonous retail job. “I bet if you stay home and focus more on those projects you’ve been wanting to do for so long, you’d be feeling better. Besides, I recently got a promotion, I can easily provide for the both of us.”

“Are you sure?” Gale had already moved in with Cato, and didn’t want to be a useless burden.

“Of course I am, babe. Trust me. I want you to feel better. I love you too much for you to feel like this.” He got up and kissed Gale softly.

Gale smiled into the kiss. He wished he could freeze this moment in time, that their love could be this pure and warm and not have to worry about what Cato will act like every morning.

  
  



	2. La Première Chance, Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (The First Chance-Part One)
> 
> Gale tries to relax on a night out with friends, but circumstances make that surprisingly difficult to achieve.

Gale didn’t go out anymore.

He hadn’t even spoke to his friends in weeks, and since he took Cato’s advice and quit his job, he spent most of his time around the house, working on his inventions or cleaning up. He felt awful about ignoring Finnick’s messages but he had no other choice, really.

And it worked. Cato’s smile when he walked in every night was enough to make Gale melt. How did he ever end up with Cato? Cato, with his blinding smile and ocean eyes and just a godly way about him, a glow. He didn’t deserve Cato. He could set aside his annoyance, his longing for his friends, his desire to feel productive again, and simply bask in his neverending warmth.

Gale said “Let’s go out.” 

“Out? Where?”

“I don’t know, I just thought it would be fun. We haven’t gone out in a while, we used to all the time-”

“You realize that money is tight right now?” Cato’s voice sounded strained, tense.

Gale felt something cold in his lungs. No, he never mentioned it before? Why didn’t he? Why did he want Gale to quit his job then? “No, I didn’t realize. I just-I love you, I-I thought-” Gale trails off. Why was Gale being so selfish? The last thing he ever wants to be is a burden…

Suddenly, his lover changed tone. “Of course babe, I know. Going out sounds fun. How about the bar?” 

Gale doesn’t want to go to the bar, but this is better than what he was expecting a few moments ago. “Yeah, sure! You call your friends, I’ll call Katniss, Annie and Finnick?”

Cato’s face falls. Gale doubts himself. “Did you want us to go.. Alone?” Gale didn’t find the bar to be a very romantic place, so he just assumed it would be a group thing.

Cato falters, then is smiling again. “No, no. Going with friends will be fun! That sounds great!” 

Gale should feel better about his enthusiasm, but something is just off. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m fucking sure. Would you stop doubting me already? Jesus Christ. You don’t think I’m capable of one decision? Do you want to go out or what?” 

Gale an almost feel the anger rolling of of him. His feels his stomach twist in confusion and something else he can’t quite place, something worse.

“No, of course! I don’t constantly doubt you! I just-” Gale gently places his arm on Cato’s shoulder in an attempt to soothe him.

Cato only snarls, shoving Gale’s hand away. “Yeah, whatever, fucking go get ready.” He shoulders past Gale, upstairs. 

Gale stands there, dumbstruck, cheeks burning with hurt and anger. Why was Cato so upset? He was just concerned for his boyfriend’s feelings on the matter. Why was he agreeing to go out if he felt this way?

Whatever. Cato had a bad day. Everyone has them sometimes. They’ll make up at the bar it’s alright. 

He texts Katniss first, almost certain she’ll come. Sure enough, she responds quickly.  _ Even after all my fuck ups she’ll still there for me,  _ he thinks. 

When he opens up his texts messages to Finnick, he stops, anxiety creeping up on him. He sees where his friend has tried to contact him, and where he stopped. Was he angry? He had tried to convince himself he was busy but he honestly was avoiding him to run away from the conflict between him and Cato. Would he even want to be friends with Gale? At all? Could he still stay close to Annie if he doesn’t?

Unsurprisingly, Finnick, after around fifteen minutes, responds much too kindly. Relieved, Gale finally goes to get dressed, hoping not to run into Cato until he’s calmed down.

* * *

The bar is loud, Cato still hasn’t spoken to him, he has a headache, but he can’t help but be happy to be here.

Katniss is still there with her deadpan cynicism and dark sarcasm, and Gale doesn’t realize just how much he missed it. Finnick and him exchange jokes and puns like they just spoke yesterday. Annie and him have interesting, thoughtful conversation, and he’s glad Finnick has picked such an amazing girlfriend. But when the conversation turns towards relationships, and Finnick joins in while Katniss is getting a drink, Gale begins to feel embarrassed and awkward.

“Cato hasn’t even looked at you all night,” Finnick jokes, but Gale can hear his concern. Gale waves him off without speaking, and shrugs.

“No but seriously, what is up?” Annie interjects.

“Its nothing. Really. We were in a disagreement before we got here… He’ll cool off. He’s with his friends, it’ll be alright tomorrow.” Gale had really hoped we could make up tonight, but it seemed that alcohol had made Cato even more resolute in his temperament.

“What were you fighting about?”

“It-it wasn’t a fight!” Gale says defensively. “He was just upset because he thought I was doubting him.. He seemed reluctant to come and I asked him about it, he said money is tight right now.”

“Why would he be worried about that?”

“He um.. He said it would be good for me if I quit my job? I hated it there.”

“And you did it?” Finnick raises his voice slightly. 

Gale can see that Finnick is trying to mask something, but he doesn’t ask about it, a coil of anxiety twisting in the pit of his stomach.

“Y-yeah. I did. But if I’m being honest, it hasn’t really helped the way he said it would. I kinda.. Miss it? Like, I miss going out. Cato has been extra busy with work so we just stay around the house most of the time. This is the first time we go out in a while.” He rambles, hoping to change the subject subtly.

“Then tell him it doesn’t work for you, I’m sure he’ll understand,” Annie says sweetly.

“I.. I don’t know. He’s so happy now that he comes home to me, and so grateful for what I do around the house… I don’t know if he’ll think I’m trying to ruin that.”

“Gale, you are an adult. You make your own choices. He’s not your parent, he doesn’t control your life. Besides, he shouldn’t be mad about something like that.” Finnick sounds irritated, and it rubs Gale the wrong way. 

“I know that! I don’t know why you think I’m so damn incompetent but I’m not some naive child, Finnick! I know what I’m doing, and I want to make this sacrifice for Cato! I love him!” Gale has never been known for thinking before he speaks, and he regrets the words even as they leave his mouth. “Look, I’m sorry-”

“Are you sure that this relationship with Cato is good for you?” replies Finnick, his voice annoyingly calm.

“Yes,” Gale sighs, defeated. The atmosphere is tense, but not with anger. Not quite.

“Alright,” Finnick says in a small voice. Guilt fills Gale up, and he hates it.

Katniss returns with her drink and an awkward smile on her lips.

Gale claps her on the shoulder and heads over to Cato.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I was meaning to upload this earlier but I just wasn't happy with it. If you see any mistakes or have any helpful criticism please comment! Also just comment if you feel like it, it doesn't have to be deep. I appreciate each one, lol. Thanks for reading my chapter. This chapter is a bit useless, but the next one is going to be QUITE a handful.


	3. Ice Is Cracking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finnick realizes how far it's gone, and Gale really doesn't.

Finnick can tell something is wrong.

He looks over at his friend and he knows. It’s nothing obvious like his posture or his expression, but something is most certainly off.

_ His eyes. _

He tries gently nudging Gale about it, or what he thinks  _ it  _ is, but he is oh-so defensive. Changing the subject, not making eye contact-

But he can’t do anything about it. Not really. He can be subtle, but if he does too much, Gale will push him away completely and he’ll be totally fucked.

So for now he does nothing. For now, he sits, with his stomach twisted in ugly anger and concern and guilt. For now, he keeps his tongue.

* * *

“Hey babe.” Gale sits down next to Cato. His smile feels manufactured. He wants to shake off his spat with Finnick but he’s tense.

“Hey.” he says shortly. He seems distracted, or even annoyed. His friends hadn’t shown tonight.

“Listen, I’m sorry, I-”

“Forget about it.”

“You’re sure?

“Yeah of course.” Cato’s arms are sloppy and heavy on his shoulders, and he is most definitely drunk. 

“Good!” A weight lifts off Gale’s shoulders. 

“I’m the one who should apologize. I’m sorry for freaking out. You shouldn’t have to deal with my stupid bullshit. It’s just that my job has been shit recently.”

“No, no it’s not your fault. I made you upset.” 

Cato doesn’t disagree with him. “You owe me one though,” he says playfully.

Gale can’t exactly pinpoint why this makes him uneasy. He keeps the mood light though. “What did you have in mind?” he smirks, knowing how hot Cato finds it when he gets like this. 

Cato buys him a drink. He wasn’t DD this time because Katniss had come with Annie and Finnick, so he didn’t worry about it.

“How about… We get out of here.”

Gale laughs awkwardly. “Babe we haven’t even been here that long-”

Cato cuts him off. He leans in, close and quiet. “-And I fuck you till you can’t see straight.”

He honestly doesn’t mind this idea, but- “You’re drunk.”

“So?”

Gale teasingly swats his arm “You probably couldn’t even get it up!” He laughs, and so does Cato. He’s forgotten how fun and free they can be sometimes, what with Cato so stressed over work.

“C’mon babe. Seriously. Let’s go.” 

“Sure. But not yet.”

“You can’t make me wait like this. It’s torture.” 

“You’ll have to wait, loverboy.” He pokes him gently in the chest, taking a swig of his drink.

“Why? So you can keep acting like a slut in front of your friends?”

_ Slut. _ The word feels like a bitter poison off Cato’s tongue. Gale feels a knot in his throat.

“I-Listen,” Gale can hardly speak. “I may be bi but I only have eyes for you.” He tries playing it off.

“Really? Then how did I see all that eye fucking with the blond one? Finnick? You’re just begging to be used aren’t you? To be kicked around and treated like a whore?”

Gale feels his hands start to sweat. His eyes betray him as he glances back towards his friends, who are paying no mind to the conversation happening at the front of the bar. “Can we not do this here? Please?” He hates,  _ hates  _ how pleading and pathetic his voice sounds to his own ears.

Cato very gently grabs his wrist and pulls him up towards the exit of the bar. Gale lets him, not having the courage to look his friends in the eye or say goodbye.

He doesn’t see the look on Finnick’s face, trying desperately to make eye contact with him as leaves.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I'm sorry this chapter wasn't a big deal like I promised! I was having so much trouble with this one, MAJOR block. Now that it's written, chapter updates will probably be much more frequent. And with this isolation... :\\\\\\\\\ I have nothing better to do. The next one is where shit really goes down I swear! I'm so mean to poor Gale :(((
> 
> Please tell me if you liked it, or if there's any mistakes! Actually it barely even matters what you comment I love every single one!
> 
> Cheers! XO
> 
> (also they get an Uber I just couldn't find a way to make it flow in the story sorryyyy)


	4. A Storm of Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scary part you were waiting for.
> 
> WARNING: THIS CHAPTER HAS VERY SMALL NON CON\DUB CON. BE ADVISED.

The fight begins as soon as the door closes.

It’s Gale’s turn to get angry. “What the fuck was that? Pulling that in front of my friends?” They’re both still drunk.

“If you don’t like it than stop acting like a whore for every person you meet.”

“Where? Where the fuck did I do that?”

“I’m not blind! I’m lucky your Katniss is “asexual” or whatever, or she’d be fucking you too!”

Gale is hurt. “I love you Cato, they’re just my friends!”

“Then shut the fuck up about them would you?”

Gale is speechless.

“That’s better.” He pushes Gale against the wall. His hands are hot and aggressive, riding up Gale’s shirt while he presses heavy kisses into Gale’s mouth.

Gale pushes him away. “No. We have to talk about this.” His voice is hard, unwavering.

“What is to talk about? I thought we came to an agreement.” Cato’s voice is almost mocking now, and Gale’s stone temperament is close to breaking.

“You insulting me is not an agreement!” Gale wills himself not to cry.

Cato looks furious, then he softens. He approaches, gently this time, his voice almost a whisper. “C’mon babe, this was supposed to be a fun night, yea? I’m sorry for snapping. Let’s just fuck and forget about it. You know I love you.” He begins to place kisses on Gale’s neck.

“No.”

Gale delicately takes Cato’s lips off of his neck to look him in the eye.

“NO!” It comes out much louder than he intended. “No! I’m not putting up with you! Ever since you started your new job you've been treating me like- like shit! You’re supposed to love me, but all we seem to do lately is get angry at each other! Don’t call me a slut! You better knock it the fuck off or I-” Gale makes his rash, drunk decision. “I’m leaving you! I can’t TAKE it anymore!”

Cato explodes in rage. “OH MY fucking GOD! You’re so selfish! Can’t you see I’m stressed out? Can’t you see I’m just trying to make you happy? I have enough on my plate without you bitching all the time! HOW can you TREAT people like this? You’re lucky you even have me, most people would have left you twice over for being such a demanding piece of shit! No one will love you like I do! I love you more than anyone else. And you don’t even deserve it!” 

Gale can feel the alcohol breath on his face. “Shut UP!” Two burning hot angry tears make their way down his face. “STOP IT! Stop it, stop it, STOP IT! It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!” Gale knows he’s really losing control at this point. So he turns away, trying to push past Cato. 

There’s a yell, and suddenly he’s slamming against the very same wall. Hard. He hears a sickening thud.

Gale collapses on the ground, frozen in hurt and shock. A white hot pain explodes in his cheek. He screams.

He looks up at Cato’s face, hard and cold from rage, and the darkest look he’s ever seen.

Gale’s world stops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry this is such a small update! I thought that since it's such an intense scene I should leave you guys on a cliffhanger, heheheh! Thank you to anyone still here! I'm so mean to Gale, lol. But this is where it starts to get real. Please comment, bookmark & kudos! Ily!
> 
> Shoutout to lesbianerd for continuing to support me lol! Thank u boo ;P

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading the first chapter off my fic! I couldn't find and Peeta/Gale fictions with Gale as the vulnerable one, so that's part of the reason I wrote this. Also Cherry Wine by Hozier.
> 
> Constrictive criticism is welcomed and appreciated! You could even just leave a lil comment if you'd like! (Or don't, I'm not your mum)
> 
> Sidenote; Most Chapter titles are in french because I am french (canadian) but don't be fooled! This is an english story!
> 
> Also: I will rate this story, I just don't have a crystal clear picture of how explicit or non-explicit this story will be yet.
> 
> Cheers! Please come back and read my next chapter! ;D


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